Aug 09 2013

Fallen Angel

Fallen Angel

It’s feeling more like fall these last few days.  The nights have been cooler as are the mornings. There’s that familiar odor in the air; the smell of changing seasons.  Strangely I feel an urge to buy lined paper, some good pens ( a few blue, one black, one red), coloured pencils and some white glue.

My mums are in bloom already.  There are clusters of leaves on my tree that are tinged with the beginnings of autumn flame.  Nature is predicting an early fall.

The mere mention of the possibility of this change can be met with resistance and a host of arguments to discredit the observations.

We can point to the clear evidence of the change. We can point to the leaves on some trees.  We can point to the mums and asters in bloom.

We can cite the changing temperature.

We can ask if anyone noticed the subtle dim of the light at night.

People that embrace change offer their own observations and begin to prepare for it in ways as gentle and subtle as the change itself.  They pick up the extra canned good at the grocery store. They purchase that new cardigan, leaving it with price tag attached for another week or so before putting it through a laundry cycle and hanging it in the closet. They spend a little more time outside or barbeque a few more nights of the week, or swim in the pool a little more often. They know their time spent with summer is coming to a close and there is a renewed sense of appreciation for every moment that is left.

People that resist change come up with a host of arguments against the evidence.

Last year, the change wasn’t really the change, it was blamed on a long period of time with extreme heat and lack of rain.

This year the change isn’t really the change, it’s attributed to too much rain.

They might claim to not see the red edged leaf they are holding in their hand.

They might insist that the mums in bloom were tricked by a couple of nights of cooler climate.

They might claim that the mums aren’t really mums at all.

You can’t convince anyone of anything, even the simplest of things like the natural change of season if they don’t want to see it.

You can resist or make excuses all you want but eventually you have to accept change.  It might take standing in a snowstorm with your swim trunks on.   Hopefully at that moment you get the picture.

Sometimes it takes something big to get your attention.

I don’t know what makes some people so open to change and some so resistant.  The natural tendency is to try to convince.

That is so frustrating.

I was out on my walk the other night.  I stopped in at a store and passed a gentleman about the age of 60 standing at a telephone booth, his bike leaned against his hip as he held the phone under his chin and talked with his hands.  He was speaking softly and soothingly to someone. He was clearly presenting his case. I heard love and concern in his voice as he implored with his other party to please listen to him.

I heard him say, “ I’m trying to do what’s right here. I really want what’s best for you.”

I thought to myself;  this must be very important to him to have rode his bike here to connect to someone. I imagined all of the possible scenarios. Maybe he didn’t own a home phone. Maybe he didn’t have enough freedom in his own home to speak openly.  Maybe he was riding his bike with whatever was on his mind and he couldn’t wait another moment to say what he needed to say to whom he needed to say it to.

About 7 minutes later, I left the store and passed the gentleman once again. He was still on the phone. He was still trying to get his point across.  He was still trying to convince.  His voice was louder. I could hear the frustration in it.  It was not aggressive.  His volume was just turned up.   He was still saying the same things. “ I care about you. I want to help you. I’m trying.”

Someone who was sensitive to volume might have made an assumption that he was being harsh or aggressive.  Yet to anyone who listened to the content,  they would know that each word was a true one and that the intention behind his words were caring and loving and kind. Like a radio, the volume was just turned up.

You always have to LISTEN to the content of everything you hear.  I’ve heard the most beautiful and loving and truthful words coming from the loudest and most booming of voices.  I’ve also heard the most deceitful and maligning and hurtful of messages conveyed in the sweetest and the most hushed of tones and whispers.

Volume is not an indicator of honesty, character, love and peace.  Content and actions are.

I walked on and asked that God send this man an angel to comfort him and to let him know when it was time to let go of trying to convince someone.

It bothered me though.   I’ve had the experience myself of trying to convince someone of my goodness or my good intention or my love or my caring.

I was sitting at my kitchen table and looked up and saw the crucifix hanging by my front door.

I thought to myself. Now here’s a guy who was perfect in all ways; psychologically and emotionally. He was perfect in his love and in his caring, in his kindness , his truth, his conviction and his mission.   This guy spoke softly and clearly. He also raised his voice in anger when warranted – like in the synagogue when he flipped his lid during the bazaar and knocked over some tables.   He cried and he laughed. Through all of it he spoke the same message. Live in truth and love love love.  Even he, in his perfection, couldn’t convince some people.  We all know what happened with that.

I guess what I’m saying is; if you are anywhere in your life where you feel the need to convince someone about who you are or about your take on a situation and you feel like you’re all alone and banging your head against a wall, know this.   You can definitely try to share your view and speak your truth to make yourself feel better.  But don’t do it with the intention to convince someone to change their view.   If you’ve got to convince someone about who you are,  they never really knew you to begin with or they don’t want to know you.  You also can’t convince someone to take your view if deep down, they are not on the same page.

Once again, it’s taken me a long time to get to the real point of my blog.   The real point is I think we all could use an angel to guide us on our way with anything we are experiencing.

I came across this song again in an unusual way.   I was at work one day and was moving some things around.  There was this little angel sitting on the desk. I saw it there as I moved books and papers and various other items but I didn’t really see it until it fell off the desk and cracked me in the ankle. The wing broke.   I thought about this falling angel the following day and my memory banks sparked up and delivered a song to me I haven’t heard in years.

So this song is for my children who are each on their own journeys.

This song is for the people who are feeling alone today.

This song is for the people who are banging their heads against the wall.

This song is for the people who feel like they have no one.

This song is for the ones who have fallen down and are trying to figure out how to get up.

This song is for the guy on the telephone who is trying so hard to convince the ones he love that he wants some situation to heal.

This one is by Nazareth.  I heard this album as a young girl- another one my brother brought home.  I’m thinking a Nazareth revival is in order. They just don’t make music like this anymore.  I’m picking up the CD today.   Love it.

Fallen Angel 



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  1. Tim Stewart

    Good to see you writing again sis. I can relate to the man in the phone booth.

  2. Cheryl Metcalfe

    Connie, you are a wonderful artist and author. I am blessed to learn more about my funny coworker who shares my childhood memories and stories even though we grew up miles apart.

  3. A Friend

    Constance we need new thoughts from you!

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