I’m still here.
I haven’t written in quite some time. I’ve been busy. There’s work and then there’s all the other stuff which on paper doesn’t look like much but in my head……soooooooo busy!
I’ve had many changes and shifts and revelations in the last couple of months.
Firstly, I’ve gotten a new prescription for my glasses. 5 steps up. I knew I was having trouble seeing but 5 steps! Seriously! They are nice looking glasses and it’s nice to be able to paint and read again. But they magnify my eyes to something I can only describe as buggish proportions. I look completely surprised all the time.
Actually, I look shocked.
I got my hair cut too. It’s a good cut. The kind that still looks good when you first wake up in the morning. I kind of look like one of those soap opera divas that is coyly wrapped up in a sheet with tousled tresses after a delicious night of something or other. You know the ones, with their false eyelashes and a full face of dew moisture makeup that evens their skin tone. The ones with the pouty come hither rose stained lips and a silky night dress tossed half haphazardly on the edge of a luxurious comforter.
My look is more of the flannel bottomed, old t-shirt that one of my kids was throwing out, ankle creased (because my feet were cold and I put on a pair of socks in the night that might have limited my circulation), top lip stuck to my mouth guard look. My luxurious comforter is actually a 10 year old thinned out, tattered quilt that my dog dug holes in, I assume while dreaming he was digging up a bone in the backyard. Aside from that, there’s not much difference between us. It’s that good of a haircut.
I bought a dress and a two piece suit. Now I just have to figure out where to wear them too. I’ve said before that I don’t like dresses but this one spoke to me. It’s a sunny yellow. I don’t mind the way it looks in my closet.
I showed my husband the dress. He said, “where ya goin?
I said, “I don’t know yet; somewhere where you wear dresses.”
I told you change was happening.
I’m digging sparkles too. I don’t know if it’s a good thing. I’m not talking about sparkles on evening dresses. I’m talking sparkles and rhinestones on t-shirts one would wear in the daytime, like maybe…… to go grocery shopping.
I haven’t bought one yet but I do seem to have my sparkle radar on. I can find at least one shimmering jewel in every clearance rack at the mall. And I soooooo want to buy one and wear it. Maybe I’m just feeling more playful these days or at times I fear suffering from some type of brain atrophy. I hear it happens as you age.
I’ve been tending to my footwear as well. I came this close to buying a pair of buckled low wedge heeled loafers that I swear came out of my Grandmas closet. But they were so comfortable.
Oh my gosh! What is happening to me?
I feel so young on the inside and yet I am becoming attracted to things that I would have sworn that I would never wear 10 years ago. I wonder if there is some genetic coding involved in a middle-aged or over 50 mindset. It just happens despite ones best efforts to resist.
Inside I am torn. One moment I am looking at and seriously considering buying some stringy flouncy and flirty sundress and a pair of short shorts with a halter. The next, I am being pulled to the pastel coloured cardigans and elastic waist pants. I tell myself, with a little gemstone splash across the bodice of a t-shirt, no one would know that my pants are polyester pull ups.
This scares me.
I vow to fight it for as long as I can.
Yesterday, for the first time in 20 years I decided to wear earrings. It’s not that I didn’t like them. I was just too busy to think about taking the extra minute to put them on. My children used to grab at them when I burped them and as a result, I once experienced a small tearing of my flesh. I took them off that day and forgot all about them.
Now I was inspired by my daughter who came home for a visit from the vast and frozen tundra. She looked so young and fresh with her double pierced little diamond studded ear decor.
I dumped out my jewellery box on the bed. I was only able to find three unmatched earrings. One was a small square tri colour gold piece. I don’t know where it came from but it would do. One was a large gold hoop that I remember wearing as a young girl to a disco dance. One was a smaller hoop that I bought in Toronto, again as a teen. It was during the whole “mod” phase. I bought a pair of them and gave one to my boyfriend at the time to wear in his ear as a sign of our commitment and devotion. I got an extra piercing in my ear just to display this little circle of love.
I forgot all about that extra piercing. I wondered if the hole was still open.
I carried the three to the sink and cleaned them, dousing them with alcohol. Carefully I pushed the stems through the front of my ears, jamming them through to the other side. It appears the holes at the backs of my lobes were out of alignment with the front. It stung. I wore them for 4 hours. They felt heavy. I’d go so far as to say, cumbersome but I liked the dangle of the large hoop as it tapped the side of my cheek when I moved my head quickly. I felt, dare I say…. kind of girly.
Then my daughter told me that I looked like a gypsy.
I had to agree.
I took them off. My ears were throbbing. I felt much lighter.
But, I think I’ll buy a small pair and try again.
Change is good.