Nov 02 2012

Life is full of Surprises!


Am I confused, annoyed or just skeptical? I can’t tell.

Lately, when I wake up in the morning, my right brow is sagging.


I look like this.


I stare in the mirror. I survey the rest of my face. I wonder if I have had a stroke in the night.  There has got to be a serious medical explanation for this.  I check the corner of the right side of my mouth for the same sag. I smile a few times to be sure.  I do a few jumping jacks to check for muscle weakness.

It’s all good.

I do a few math equations in my head to check my mental faculties; Simple addition. I throw in a couple of division questions, to challenge myself.  I think about analytic geometry, just to be sure. I think about triangle congruence, SAS, ASA, and AAS.   I can’t remember how to do it.  I worry for a moment. I did lose my car in the parking lot at the super store yesterday.

Then I remember that I was never good at geometry.  I remember that crazy math teacher that wore the size 12 yellow ochre shoes. His shoes curled up at the toe, like he may have stepped in puddles one too many times and they had dried all curled up at the tips.  They looked like two bananas stuck to his feet.  He used to shake his head at me, daily, and call me out in class for my lack of geometrical knowledge. He’s the reason I switched to applied math.  I pulled an 88% in that class and was advised to switch back to academic.  I saw no reason to do it.  When in my lifetime was making triangles congruent going to be important?  I think about it for a moment, and then am satisfied that this little trip back in time proves that I have suffered no memory loss despite the confusion that my drooping brow portrays.

I go the computer and search a self diagnostic medical website.

Bad Idea!  There are loads of scary suggestions and images to my condition.

I am shaking in my slippers.

Then I realize that I used the wrong search term.  I accidentally typed in eyelid droop instead of eye brow.

I retype eyebrow in.

The diagnosis: age and thinning drooping skin. The remedy, Botox!!

No thank you!

I return to the mirror and take another look.  There has got to be another way.

I ask myself, “What are you so skeptical about?”

Have the last few months really gotten to me?  Has the strain permanently stamped itself in my face?

I pull a few strands of hair on the top of my head and pull back.  It’s an easy fix. I look fabulous.

I let go of the strands and my skeptical look returns.

What if I pull the hair back and just braid those pieces tight to my head to hold things in place?

My son bangs on the bathroom door; “Mom!! Are you almost done? I have to go to school. “

“Just a moment, dear! “, I reply.

“But I’ve got to go.”

“Yep, just one second, honey.”

I start to braid my hair at the crown.

“Mom, seriously, I’ve got to leave in like, two minutes.”

“For crying out loud, give your mother a minute, will ya?”

I look back in the mirror and notice my skepticism and annoyance deepening.

I pull the braid back tighter. Then I release and…..

My skepticism returns.

My soft greys are not going to hold without some major product.

I wonder why the skin on the front of my face is thinning and sagging forward and down.  Why isn’t the skin on the back of my head sagging down?  Wouldn’t that be nice? The skin on the back of the head would sag down which would inevitably pull the skin on the front of the face upwards.  It would be perfect; a natural frontal facelift.

My son bangs on the bathroom door again.

“Alright, alright, I’m coming”, I say.

I pull out my mechanical toothbrush and apply some paste to the spin head.  I lean forward into the sink and with one raised eye on the mirror; I turn the spin button on.

My soft greys that frame my face hang forward… and get caught on the whizzing spin head just as I begin to brush.

It’s a disaster.

My hair winds around the brush head like winding thread onto a bobbin.

I am surprised.

I am startled.

I stare at myself in the mirror again, with a heavy blue automated toothbrush stuck to the side of my head.

I notice something different.

My once drooping brow is  now surprised and raised on my forehead, alert and aware. It is even with my once raised,skeptical and confused brow. That one now appears softer next to it’s erect partner.

I have solved the age old question of how can I look younger.

You must engage in the element of surprise.  You must walk through life a little startled, my friends.

Lucky for us, life is full of surprises.

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