May 13 2012

Synchronicity and Divine Intervention or How I Met My Husband

In high school, I often left at lunch hour and walked the 7 blocks with a friend to her house to eat.  We generally took the same route everyday. We walked fast and talked fast, we giggled and knocked each other into bushes along the way.

There was a house we passed by often. It caught my eye. It was a large, old, beautiful  brick house with a freshly stained wood door that was curved at the top. I loved that house and often commented on it to my friend. “I wonder who lives there”, I’d say. ” I wonder what they are like?” My friend would tease me and push me towards the front porch,”Why don’t you knock and find out”. We’d run as fast as we could down the street, hoping no one saw us from inside.

We did this on more than one occasssion. Sometimes I would slow up the pace or stand in front of it for a moment enjoying the peak over that door and the many windows  My friend would say, “What is with you and that house?”. I didn’t know why I was pulled to it. I just was.

The years pass by; my friend and I had moved on into different directions, each of us with a different circle of friends. I ran into her now and again but we never quite clicked the way we did in high school. She had come into my life at a perfect time, when I was in desperate need of another perspective and needed to feel energetic and carefree again. She distracted me from the tough stuff I wasn’t ready to look at. I was not certain where I fit in and not certain if I wanted to. She plunked herself down next to me in Math class and insisted on eating lunch. She was a force. She seemed to know that I needed to belong somewhere. She welcomed me. She was like a shelter in a storm. We didn’t talk too deeply, we just rambled a lot about silly things. It was refreshing.

 It’s funny how people are sent to you sometimes as a life long companion and sometimes just for a short time, at the perfect time, to walk alongside you for whatever part of the journey you are both on. When the lessons are learned, you both move on. Sometimes it ends in a major disagreement, usually from hanging on a little too long. Somebody is changing and wants to move ahead.  The other person isn’t ready and is clinging to what feels secure and comfortable. Change is hard.

 In this case, we both departed quietly. There wasn’t any major falling out, just a drifting away, until I noticed one day that we hadn’t spoken in quite some time. It felt like it was supposed to be that way.

I had moved on and was on a pretty exciting path.  I had a dream and a plan and what I had thought was a promise of a future with someone I loved.  I was completely and totally head over heels.  It really was a roller coaster ride. It started out fantastic. I had never felt the feelings that I did. I was certain it was meant to be. It was, I guess, because it did happen. It didn’t turn out the way I had hoped but it was necessary. I learned alot from it.

 I didn’t think so at first. The end of the relationship and the heartbreak was horrible. I had given my heart away only to have it handed back to me. I should say it felt more like it was thrown back at me from a fast moving car like a soggy torn morning newspaper. After a period of time and the standard moping and sighing, the attempts to patch things up and the anger period I finally realized the relationship was not the healthiest for me. He was a wonderful person and so was I. We just didn’t do well together. I didn’t like who I had become when I was with him. Insecure and needy. I had never been that way before.

One day I was sitting on the back porch of my house nursing my wounds, My father came out and just stood beside me quietly for a very long time. Finally he said, “It doesn’t feel good to have your heart broken. You weren’t really yourself when you were with him.”  I argued that I really wanted to be with him and that I was trying so hard to be what he wanted. My father said, “He just wanted a showpiece on his arm. He didn’t really love you. Don’t settle for being someone’s trinket. You are better than that”.

Something clicked.

I’d like to say that I immediately pulled it together and met my soul mate the following day. Nope! It took about another year or so. I slid back a couple of times. I still thought we might have a chance. We occassionally got back in touch, went on a date or two. This time I was aware of the old pattern of insecurity creeping in sometimes just hours into our meeting. I dated a few other people in this time. Nothing felt quite right.

I had pretty well resigned myself to being a spinster. I was certain I wouldn’t find anyone and was a little sour on the whole love thing. I had no intention of falling in love again and was only humouring my sister when I agreed to a blind date with a guy she knew from her circle of friends. 

I had seen him around a few times over the years so he wasn’t a complete stranger. My sister convinced me to call him to ask him to a wedding. I thought it might be a good idea as I needed a date and he would be comfortable knowing other people who would be there.  Our first phone conversation did not go well. By the end of this short awkward call,  I hoped he might say no. He didn’t really give me an answer. I told my sister that I thought he was a bit of a jerk. I didn’t give it another thought.

A week later he called to see what I was doing. I was on my way out so we talked for about a 1/2 hour  while I was getting ready. He seemed nicer. Actually pleasant. On impulse I invited him along. He didn’t seem interested but that was ok. I didn’t give it another thought and I let him go to finish drying my hair.

An hour later, my father called up to me that my friend had arrived. I gathered my things and ran down the stairs. We were running late. I turned from the hall into the kitchen to see my new phone friend standing at the door. He had decided to come along. My other friends had just pulled into the driveway so we all left together.

The following day, I phoned my sister to tell her what had happened. She asked what I thought. I told her that he was one of the nicest people I had ever met. That I didn’t think there was a love connection but I definitely knew he was going to be in my life for the rest of my life. I just felt like we would be lifelong friends.

Weeks later, we are spending almost every day together or at least talking on the phone. Somewhere in that period we went from being friends to something more. It felt so easy and calm and simple.

My sister suggested a double date one night with her and her husband. On the way out, my date realized he had left something at home. We headed over to his house. He didn’t live far from me and we drove a familair route that I remembered all too well. He pulled into his driveway and I was speechless. There in front of me was the large brick house with the freshly stained wood front door with the curve at the top.

We were engaged eight months later and have been married for 24 years so far.

My beautiful friend from high school that plunked herself in front of me and spent her lunches with me had a larger role at that time then either of us ever knew. Basically, when she pushed me towards that porch and teased me to find out who lived there, she was directing me to take a peak at possiblity and my future. She was like a guardian angel-pointing me to where I belong.



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